Variants > Wheaton College Variant :: 5-dice Zonk

Wheaton College 5-Dice Zonk

This variant was submitted by Jason Brandenburg of Boston, Massachusetts.

He writes:

Zonk was first introduced to me over Christmas break of my sophomore year of college at Suffolk University, December 1993. A friend and I met up to hang out and enjoy some fine green together. He had been taught this game, through his own college travels, by a young squire from the University of Vermont, where it was played quite regularly. On a quiet snowy night in suburban Boston, he and I played head-to-head while he taught me the game that would change a lot of lives forever.

Months went by, and that friend and I drifted apart, but the rules of this game stuck with me. A few months later, I went to visit another friend on the campus of Wheaton College, where I taught the game to him and a couple other students, and we had a great time.

When I returned to visit that same friend another couple of months later, I found that the game had caught on quite firmly, and folks all over campus were playing Zonk! The rules had morphed a little - I only taught it to them once, so they had moved a couple of things around, and added a couple of their own house rules - but essentially it was the same game.

Their variant became our "house rules" version, and we played for years and years. We found it a great way to unite people at a party, have a great, socially interactive activity, and get stoned to the bejeezus belt.

Years later, I've found that the legacy of Zonk at Wheaton College lives on to this day - a point of great pride with me. :) Zonk is a great game that will always have a place in my heart.

Sincerely,
Jason Brandenburg
Boston, MA

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And now, the rules:

ZONK

Zonk is a game played with two or more people, a big sack of dope, a bong (or similar smoking apparati, but no joints), 5 dice, and a raised flat surface for rolling. Preferably a table people can sit around, but any flat surface with no raised sides will do.

A few words of caution. Zonk is a game played with marri-joo-wana, mmmkay, a controlled substance. Despite our recent decriminalization of possession of weed in small amounts, in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, possession of bud in amounts over 1 oz. is still a criminal offense. Laws may vary in your state. Be smart, be safe.

Also, for even the most stoniest of stoners, it’s not a good idea to play this game with kindbud, KB, hydro, chronic, whatever you want to call it. In addition to it being expensive, it’s just too much for this game. Get some good commersh and start playing. Average number of hits per person in a game played properly can range from 20-40.

Keep some non-alcoholic beverages on hand. Horking down beers while you pull fat tubes can lead to the arrival of Cardinal Chunder. He’s not welcome at the Zonk table.

Have fun! Be safe.

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BEFORE YOU PLAY

1. If you’ve never played before, choose a Zonk name. This can be anything. A word, a short phrase, a series of unpronounceable symbols. Whatever. Get creative. But keep in mind this is your name for all time. Changing your Zonk name is highly frowned upon and will anger the Zonk Gods.
2. The scorekeeper is chosen. This person should be prepared to assume the considerable responsibility of keeping track of scores, hits, etc. no matter how high he or she gets. A scorekeeper screwup, like adding the total wrong, forgetting to track hits properly, etc. results in a DEALER SPAZ and a loss of turn.
3. The scorekeeper rolls the MAGIC NUMBER. This is a roll which, if anyone matches it during the course of the game, results in a communal hit.
4. The order of the play is chosen. Everyone rolls 1 die, highest number goes first, play revolves to the left.
5. The scorekeeper writes down everyone’s Zonk name in order, and notes the time and date of the games beginning. Our game has 4 players, and so the top of the scoresheet looks like this:

GLOSSARY OF ZONK TERMS:

SPAZ

Any mishandling of the dice. Examples include:

• failure to pick up the correct number of dice all at once
• dice falling out of the hand prior to roll
• knocking over dice that should be left on the table
• dice falling or rolling off the table

SPACE

Taking one’s turn out of turn OR forgetting to “ask if you can roll” the correct number of times after the previous player gets hits on their turn.

ZONK

Rolling the dice for the first time in a turn, and getting no points at all.

BLOADES

Risking scoring dice on the table, and having it not pan out.

VANNA

A special kind of ZONK - getting all 5 dice to score, rolling all 5 again at once, receiving no points on that throw.

DEALER SPAZ

Any screwup on the scoresheet by the Scorekeeper.

HIT INTEGRITY

It must be preserved. Any player who earns hits on a turn immediately after a turn where they earned hits must always receives at least one more hit on that subsequent turn.

MAGIC NUMBER

The combination of 5 numbers, rolled at the start of the game by the scorekeeper, and noted at the top of the score sheet, which, if rolled in one throw by a player, results in everyone receiving a hit.

DEVIL HIT

The hit received when any player rolls 6-6-6 on one throw of the dice. This hit is received regardless of any ZONK, BLOADES, VANNA or SPAZ.

STRAIGHT

A single throw of the dice which results in a roll of 1-2-3-4-5 or 2-3-4-5-6. Player receives a hit for this regardless of point totals, or any ZONK, BLOADES, VANNA or SPAZ.

SQUARE

Anytime a player’s end-of-turn score is a number whose first two digits are a square number (1600, 2500, 3600, 4900, 6400, 8100), player earns a hit. (Note that 2500 is both a SQUARE and an even -500 hit)

DIAL IN

To DIAL IN to the game, a player must score at least 250 points for their first recorded score.

HALFTIME SHOW

A special round, which takes place separate from the rest of the game, which takes place as soon as any player passes 5,000 points. The player with the highest total without ZONK, BLOADES, VANNA or SPAZ wins the HALFTIME HIT.

G.H.A.

Group Hit Average. Calculated by the Scorekeeper at the end of the game.

HOW TO EARN HITS IN ZONK

Hit integrity must be preserved!!

All hits are noted on the scoresheet with a ¶ symbol or similar flag to the right of the player’s score total for that round.

Hits earned under special circumstances are denoted with a symbol to the left of the player’s score total for that round.

Passing A Thousand.

This is the most common method of earning a hit in Zonk. Every time your recorded score passes a thousand mark (i.e. going from 1850 to 2100) a player earns a hit. This type of hit does not require a special scoring notation.

Landing on a -500.

If a player’s score total for that turn ends in -500, that player earns a hit. This type of hit does not require a special scoring notation.

Landing on a square.

If a player’s score total for that turn is a number whose first two digits are a square number (1600, 2500, 3600, etc.) that player earns a hit. This type of hit is denoted with a ¨ symbol to the left of the player’s score total for that round.

Rolling the MAGIC NUMBER.

If any player rolls the number established by the Scorekeeper as the MAGIC NUMBER, all players receive a hit. This is denoted to the left of all players’ current score totals with a «.  Landing on a score of 9950 is also considered a MAGIC NUMBER and is similarly dealt with.

Earning the HALFTIME HIT.

Whoever scores this highest point total during the HALFTIME SHOW receives the HALFTIME HIT. This is denoted next to the player’s score for the HALFTIME SHOW with a “1/2” symbol.

Rolling a STRAIGHT.

In a single throw, a player scores 1-2-3-4-5 or 2-3-4-5-6 on the dice. This type of hit is denoted with a » symbol to the left of the player’s score for that round. This hit is earned regardless of a ZONK, BLOADES or VANNA.

Devil Comes.

If any player rolls a 6-6-6 on a throw, they earn the DEVIL HIT. This type of hit is denoted with a  symbol to the left of the player’s score for that round. This hit is earned regardless of a ZONK, BLOADES or VANNA.

SCORING

Individually, the dice score this way:

= 100 points

= no points

= no points

= no points

= 50 points

= no points

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Special Rolls:

STRAIGHT – thrown all at once, player earns a hit, also worth 150 points.

STRAIGHT – thrown all at once, player earns a hit, also worth 50 points.

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DEVIL HIT – immediately get a hit, also worth 600 points.

(note that the 2 & 3 are not important here - any time you roll three 6s all at once, that’s the Devil Hit)

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3 dice with the same number, rolled at once, yield that total x100. For example:

This roll would be 400 points. Note that another 4 would not add to the total here, so

would still be only 400 points.

The exception to this rule is if a player rolls three ones in a single roll – that is worth 1000 points.

That’s worth a grand.

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If a player rolls all five dice at the same time, and all the dice yield the same number, the player receives the face value of the die x1000. (This does not happen very often). So all 4s would = 4000 points. Five ones = 10,000 points and is an automatic win. Play again.

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Sample Game

So now that you know the scoring, let’s begin a game scenario.

Baldrick goes first.

The first score is a little different from all the rest – for your first score, you must get at least 250 points. This is called DIALING IN. So Baldrick rolls the dice and gets:

This roll is worth 150 points. Since it’s his first turn, and this isn’t enough to DIAL IN, Baldrick must re-roll the non-scoring dice, leaving the scoring dice on the table.

So he leaves & , and picks up, in one grab, the , & dice…don’t lift the dice you’re leaving behind off the table. That’s a SPAZ. Don’t kick over the dice you’re leaving behind – that’s a SPAZ…

…and roll – keeping the dice on the table to avoid a SPAZ.

Baldrick now rolls:

( are still on the table)

which is worth an additional 100 points. With the dice on the table, this makes 250 points, and Baldrick can DIAL IN. However, Baldrick could (foolishly) choose to try to get that last to bring in some score, and could pick up that die, leaving the scoring dice behind, and roll. Let’s say he’s decides to buck the odds and do it.

He picks up the die, and rolls:

( are still on the table)

Awwww, too bad, Baldrick. You’ve now got a BLOADES, and your turn is over. You don’t get the 250 you left behind. Any time you risk the score you’ve got, roll the non-scoring dice, and get bupkiss, you lose whatever you’d amassed on that turn, you get a BLOADES, and your turn ends. So now our score sheet reads:

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Now it’s Biggles’ turn.

Biggles picks up the dice, all at once, and rolls:

That’s four hundred points! Anytime you roll three of the same number in one throw, you get that number x100. (Except if you roll three 1s—that’s 1000). So Biggles decides to DIAL IN. Our sheet now reads:

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OK, now it’s Quean’s turn. She picks up the dice…and one falls out of her hand!! Oh no, it’s a SPAZ! She’s done.

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Finally, Whoremaster gets to go. He picks up all the dice and rolls:

It’s a STRAIGHT! OK, so it’s only worth 150 points, but it does mean an automatic hit, and you roll all the dice again, adding to the 150 with whatever you score next, which in Whoremaster’s case is:

So he rolls another 350, plus his previous 150, giving him 500! He decides to keep that, and he has DIALED IN. Now to deal with how hits are distributed.

So, Whoremaster automatically received one hit for the STRAIGHT he rolled, and then got another hit for landing squarely on a number ending in 500. Every time your score for the turn takes you to a 500 (500, 1500, 2500, etc.) you earn a hit.

However…due to one of the arcane rules of Zonk, (Hit integrity must be preserved!!) a player may never take only two hits. If a player earns two hits on one turn, as Whoremaster has done here, he or she automatically gets a third. (As shown above, Hits are tracked via little flags to the right of the turn’s score, and the arrow to the left of the score indicates that the player earned one of his hits via a STRAIGHT.)

Whoremaster takes three bong hits, right in a row, and play cannot continue until he has finished his hits.  He may take as long as he wants/needs, and may award his hits to other players if he desires. This is largely viewed as a pussy sort of move, but hey – sometimes you earn 7 hits and you just can’t hack it!  Extensive delays may anger the Zonk Gods. If a player begins to take his or her turn before Whoremaster finishes, this is a SPACE and that player loses his or her turn.

When Whoremaster has finished, the next player in line, in this case Baldrick, must ask permission to roll.  That player also must ask permission once for every hit Whoremaster just earned. So Baldrick says “Can I roll? Can I roll? Can I roll?” and must wait until Whoremaster says “Yes.”  Failure to comply with this rule results in a SPACE, and the player loses that turn. Note that Whoremaster may say “No.” and play would stop. This is a bit of a dick move and may anger the Zonk Gods.

So Whoremaster says “Yes.” and Baldrick rolls:

It’s the DEVIL HIT! Plus it’s worth 600 points! Baldrick wisely takes his 600, and DIALS IN. And gets his DEVIL HIT, notated on the score sheet with a little devil face thingy. (your version may vary) Note that if he were to foolishly risk the 600 points, and end up with a BLOADES, he would still get the devil hit. So our score sheet reads:

Baldrick takes his hit, Biggles asks “Can I roll?” Baldrick coughs out “SURE!” and play resumes. Biggles rolls:

Nothing. No score at all. (Two pair doesn’t count.) This is called a ZONK, and Biggles’ turn is over.

Quean’s turn. She picks up all the dice this time, and rolls:

Hundred points. She hasn’t DIALED IN yet, so she picks up the non scoring dice and rolls:

( are still on the table)

Damn! That’s another 200 points! So now she’s got 300 points, which is enough to DIAL IN…but all the dice have score, so she must keep rolling.  She picks up all five dice at once, and to the 300 she adds:

Fuck all. If you get all the dice to score, pick them all up, roll again, and get nothing, this is a VANNA, you lose whatever you’d already amassed, and your turn is over. Bad luck, Quean.

Whoremaster’s up again.

He rolls:

Oh crap! Another 550 points! This brings him to 1050, and he earns another hit! (Every time you pass a thousand mark, you earn a hit) He keeps this score. Important Note: Hit integrity must be preserved!!  A player may NEVER receive fewer hits than the turn before, always at least one more – so Whoremaster’s single hit for passing the thousand mark results in four hits!

Whoremaster takes his four hits…and is luxuriating in the glow of just having railed down a fuck-ton of weed, when Baldrick rolls…Oh no!!! It’s a SPACE! Baldrick forgot to ask permission (four times!)

Now it’s Biggles’ turn – and now Biggles must ask Whoremaster if he may go – because someone always has to ask. “canirollcanirollcanirollcaniroll?” “Yes.” And away we go:

Six hundred points is just enough to make 1000, so Biggles gets a hit.

And play continues, to 10,000 points.  

Some notes

• If you land directly on a number whose first two digits are a square number (1600, 2500, 3600, etc.) that’s a hit – marked by a ¨.  (remember, hit integrity must be preserved!)
• If anyone rolls the MAGIC NUMBER, everyone gets a hit, with a « next to everyone’s score. (remember, hit integrity must be preserved!)
• If you pass two thousands in a single turn – i.e. you run from say 400 directly to 2000, (passing the 1000s altogether) you earn two hits…and remember what was said about not taking just two hits…you’d get three. (remember, hit integrity must be preserved!)
• As soon as someone reaches 5000 points, it’s the HALFTIME SHOW. The scorekeeper draws a line across the page, and sings the “half-time song,” which can be any short little ditty like this one, sung to the tune of “hello mah baby hello mah honey):  “Da daa da daaa daa, da daaa da daaa daaa, this is the half-time shooooow.”
• All the players get one turn, which takes place independent of the score of the game. The person to the left of whoever hit 5000 starts the halftime show, so in our case it would go Whoremaster, Baldrick, Biggles, then Quean. Put a dash in the space where a turn would go to keep people getting their normal turn in the proper order. All standard rules apply.
• The player who can score the single most points, without ZONKing, BLOADESing or VANNA-ing wins the HALFTIME HIT noted with a “1/2”. (remember, hit integrity must be preserved!)
• When you resume play, the sheet should look something like this:

• 9950 is a magic number, since it’s the last score you can get without winning. If you land on it, you get a hit, marked with a «. (remember, hit integrity must be preserved!)
• 10,000 wins the game. Finish the bowl. yaaaaay. You can share it.
• Scorekeeper announces final scores, final hit totals, and then calculates the GHA (Group Hit Average), by totaling all players’ hits, then dividing by the number of players.
• Scorekeeper then notes the time and date of the game’s completion, and preserves the scoresheet in the Zonk File.

I bet you’re all pretty high now.

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